The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
by MarkerOfEden
Summary: What does one do when her goddess abandons her? What happens to a knight without a princess to protect? What happens when said knight meets said fanatic? Fail summary is fail. Give it a read anyways. Shoujo-ai/Yuri.
1. Chapter 1: Knights no more

A/N: Hello hello! I've had this idea in my mind for a while now and only recently have I put it down pen to paper or more exactly, hand to keyboard. I mean for this to be a multi-chapter fic but I am usually slower than a snail(they have feeler things. They can type.) when it comes to updating things but I'll try to get faster. I swear.

It is an AU sort of fic... Or AT? Anyways it's set after the Karakura High people have graduated college and there's a sort of peace hanging in the Soul Society.

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><p>There were not many things that could scare a Soul Society captain, much less for the young Chinese girl that heads the Second division and the Ommitsukido. However, 'twas this fine morning that she found the one thing that terrified her, that only appeared in the darkest depths of her dreams had become reality.<p>

_It happened_.

The day started quite well, morning training went swimmingly, nobody lazed around like an idiotic lump. Suifeng had to admit, this was a first for her. It didn't even seem like the corp needed her. So, after leaving them in the incapable hands of her second in command, she went back to her quarters.

A neat stack of letters stood in the center of her desk begging to be read. She took a seat behind it and went to work sorting it out. Junk, love letters(yes it was something she'd get... Apparently enlisted men had masochistic tendencies.) and... Suifeng frowned. She held a letter addressed to her from somewhere, Karakura town. She couldn't ever remember going there. Unless... Yoruichi. Gently she tore open the side of the envelope, and extracted the folded paper. Written on fancy letterhead, she slowly unfolded it and read the boldfaced sentence.

"_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Yoruichi Shihouin and Urahara Kisuke._"

That line was enough. Her hand shook and the piece of paper fell from her hand. No. No. _NO!_ It wasn't possible. It shouldn't be possible... Yet... There it was plain as day written in a disgustingly over the top font. She placed her hand over her forehead, she could feel a headache coming... and then up became down, right turned into left and the blurred surroundings soon swirled around her with such celerity that it had her staggering around the room before falling into a crumpled heap in a corner of the room as far as possible from the letter. There was no way she would go. If just reading a sentence of it was so painful... She was no masochist. She hated whenever her heart ached. She hated it even more when Yoruichi teased her, stringing her along without ever wanting to return her feelings. However, Suifeng knew she would go. It didn't matter whether it hurt or not. To be next to her goddess, even if the same woman was piercing a thousand blades through her heart, was worth it. She would go, she would force herself to smile as they exchanged vows, slipped their rings onto their fingers and sealed the whole ceremony with a... with a... She couldn't finish the thought. She cannot accept it. It cannot happen... It cannot ha- and the little girl threw up. Groaning, she recoiled back, away from the misery, and huddled into herself. She sat in the corner sobbing, until Unohana had, by chance, found her there.

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><p>Tatsuki had just come back from the worst day of her life. How could Orihime have gotten married so suddenly? And why was she the last one told? Just one freaking day before the wedding and she had to prepare for everything. A gift... A suit?(Orihime wanted her to wear one) and why didn't Orihime come see her herself? Stupid fucking Ichigo. Groaning she pulled her tie off. Damn thing made her feel like she had her neck in a noose. And what about the rent for this place? Penthouses aren't cheap and just with her salary alone, forget about making monthly payments, she probably wouldn't even last a week in here. Stupid Ichigo taking her princess from her. Now who was she supposed to protect from the evils of the world? Chizuru? <em>Please.<em>

The spiky-haired girl slammed the door behind as she walked out into the streets. A trench coat tightly wrapped around her body shielding her against the cold of November. She was going to a bar, and the money she was saving up to buy an actual house to live in with Orihime? Now that that wasn't necessary... Beer money it was.

In a foul mood, the former karate champion kicked open the door and slammed her jars of coins down on the counter. "Give me as many drinks as this can buy." She growled daring the bartender to challenge her on the anomaly that is her payment.

"Ma'am. It would take us a long time to count this. Do you not have any bills?" Eliciting a growl from her. "Fine. It'll take a while then. Not sure when you'll get your drink." and then under his breath. "or ever." Tatsuki had turned around to glare at the other customers, still very much pissed. Today was definitely not a good day. She could call it, without lying, the worst day of her life.

When the bartender had finally finished counting her money, he brought her a couple of bottles. "Order whatever you'd like." He sighed walking away. While the spiky-haired girl was pouring her first shot, the door of the bar slammed open once again. This time showing the silhouette of a short Chinese girl. The Asian girl sat down on the bar stool and turned around to glare at the bartender. She called him over and slapped down a few thousand yens down on the counter. "I'm sorry miss, but we're sold out." He quickly replied looking extremely uncomfortable. How could there be two scary women showing up during his shift? What was the chance of that?

"Bullshit." She yelled slamming her fists down on the counter, he twitched expecting the girl to actually punch her but there was no such follow up. Her action however did have the unpredicted effect of knocking off Tatsuki's bottle of alcohol and causing it to smash into the ground. "I can see all those bottles behind you."

"Yes well. That lady over there just bought everything." He replied shrinking back from her as he pointed at Tatsuki.

Suifeng turned over to face her, only to find the girl smirking at her. "Apologize for spilling my drink" The spiky-haired girl said taking a shot . "I'll talk to you after that."

"I reject your proposal." Suifeng growled frowning as she glared at Tatsuki's smirking face. "Instead I'm going to force you to give me your drink." The woman growled standing up and slammed her fist down on the counter. The bartender behind it had ducked and was now crawling his way out the backdoor.

"You're going to regret your impudence." The spiky-haired girl said grinning as she took off her coat and chucked it behind her. "I'll show you just how strong I am."

"Heh. Challenge accepted."

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><p>Reviews would be lovely.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2: Bar folly

A/N: Chapter 2 is up! Finally! Thank you to all who reviewed and Happy Belated Holidays.

So you get Tatsuki getting her ass handed to her on a plate by Suifeng. And that's about it... Oh and there's a reason for them to talk to each other now. So that's nice.

How was everyone's holiday? Mine was filled with family and friends and no time on the computer. Share with me your holiday shenanigans! It'll be fun. I swear!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

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><p><em>Tatsuki Arisawa had spent the last few years of her life practicing her karate. She'd trained day in and day out with her teacher and in doing so, made herself into a legend.<em> If only that was true, then Tatsuki Arisawa might have actually stood a chance against Suifeng. The truth was that the spiky-haired girl simply did not have time to be practicing her art. Between studying and working two part-time jobs, she quite simply could not pursue her passion any further.

Still, the girl could remember some of the moves taught to her by her old teacher and assumed a standard starting position, extending one foot forward to support her weight and with the other held back behind her. Holding her arms at waist level, she clenched her fists preparing herself to counter her opponent's attacks. The girl in front of her did not attack nor did she move. She didn't even blink. She looked too much like a picture. Tatsuki was had never been known for her patience and after waiting rooted in one spot for so long, she got mad-and against Shonen Jump logic, she attacked first, swinging her fist in a wide arc towards the Chinese girl's torso and punched right through Suifeng.

Surprise!

She felt no resistance, as if her fist just traveled through nothing. There was no real matter that composed the girl in front of her and she almost fell forward, her body propelled by the momentum of her punch. So she broke her stance, and stumbled forward for a few steps trying to regain her balance.

The image she had just run through shimmered for exactly a second before disappearing completely. That was the first moment Tatsuki realized that something was wrong. Very wrong.

The second instance came when she felt a series of quick consecutive taps against her shoulders and knees, and then an instant later she felt her legs give in and as her face fell ever closer towards the ground, she finally realized that she hadn't even presented a threat to the woman. Closing her eyes, she awaited the inevitable physical contact with the ground. She was mentally prepared. Her face was going to smash against the concrete, and her nose might be broken but the pain was going to come from her face. It was a fact. So she was quite surprised when pain literally shot into her brain from the strands of her hair. She yelped in pain.

"I told you didn't I?" Came the girl's voice full of condescension. "I was going to take your drinks by force. That was the truth." Chuckling, Suifeng grabbed her collar with her other hand, hoisting her over her shoulder and she went back inside. Dropping her down on a stool, she sat next to her and looked around trying to find the bartender. Seems like he had run away, that meant more drinks for her right? She turned around and in turn glared at each and every patron. Most ran away except for the few who had already drunk themselves into a drunken stupor. She personally dragged them outside and slammed the door behind them. After riffling behind the bar counter, she found a ring of keys and proceeded to lock up.

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><p>She popped open a bottle of champagne and poured herself a glass. Champagne was usually used for celebrations right? So what shall she drink to? Her own crushing depression? Her loss of purpose? "To the end of the prince," she muttered raising her toast high up in the air, "May the princess' heart break into fucking tiny little piece." She growled closed her eyes and downed her drink.<p>

Tatsuki let out a groan as she watched Suifeng drink from her bottle. _Her _bottle. That was supposed to be hers, not some bitch's who just happened to be more skilled than her in martial arts. She looked up at the Chinese girl, who was by now slowly tilting her hand from left to right, watching the alcohol in the wine glass shift from side to side. "Oi, how about you free me now?" She asked glaring at her. "You've made your point haven't you?" Her question caused Suifeng to jump slightly and she looked back at Tatsuki as if the girl had just appeared out of thin air.

"You're still here." She said numbly, and stopped playing around with her drink.

"Of course I am!" She retorted finding the girl's apathy even more maddening. "How am I supposed to go anywhere when you've locked up my arms and legs! Not to mention locking me inside this bar? Was that last part even necessary?"

"You do have a point." Suifeng conceded. "Yet I am sorry, the effects wear off as time passes." She said with a small smile. "If there's anything you want me to do to help you pass time. Let me know." She added and downed the rest of her glass. "To make it up to you, I'll grant you a wish, like a genie." She chuckled and started to pour herself more. It's not like that girl is going to ask for something impossible, besides it'd be fun to see what she could come up with on the spot.

"There is actually." Tatsuki grinned and nodded to herself pleased at having come up with such a good idea. "How about you act as my maid for the remainder of my time as a handicap? Wouldn't that be nice? You can start by calling me master!"

"Are you crazy?" Suifeng asked glaring back at her as she spurted out whatever amount of wine had been in her mouth. Her hand tightened around her glass. Was this girl making fun of her? Did she have a death wish?

"Oh! I see, you're just going to allow a poor defenseless girl go hungry." She said and rolled her eyes. Someone else who was lying to her. Great. "And thirsty, and what if I need to use the restroom?" She continued listing off things that she would be unable to attend to, since she was now crippled. "Most importantly, you're going to back off on a promise. That's not okay."

Suifeng flinched and scratched her head. Should she accept the girl's demands? On one hand, it was her fault but then again, and she did promise her one wish. Suifeng also felt a little bad and partially(only partially) responsible for her disabilities... And Yoruichi-sama had told her to take responsibility for her actions. "Very well, my master." She sighed and bowed in front of Tatsuki. "What do you wish for me to do?"

Tatsuki Arisawa smirked. Who knew such a bad day would end so well? "Get me something to drink." She ordered her smirk turning into a grin. A very evil grin. "Don't forget to hold it close enoug to me so I can drink from it. I also want you to do it seductively."

One word passed through the Chinese girl's mind: _fuck_.


End file.
